A.Stefany the fourth: Blog 7: This article states the dangers of reality TV. Reality television reinforces several unsound messages which are molding the minds of young f...
Hello my name is Aaron and today i will be commenting on your blog assignment. First i would like to say that your paper moved me on reality television and you had very strong arguments on why reality TV is so bad to society such as diminishing the educational system and future drop out rates increasing. When i started reading your paper the introduction was very scattered. When you do an introduction you want provide a general argument and capture the readers attention, but here you just seem to state facts. You need to make the intro more clear such as first defining why reality television is harmful and then following a system of steps addressing your points. When you start talking about competition you need to relate it to how its dangerous because competition can also be good for economic stability so tie it to the thesis. Your opinion comes into play when you start using quotations which need to be addressed in your paper. I would keep the second idea on image on society because you show clearly how it corrupts our minds and souls. Finally leading onto your third idea about education and the American directly ties to your thesis, but you want to condense it and make your point clear and as i said quotations would be helpful. The conclusion is very well written and you make a direct connection to the thesis statement. You have many grammatical errors, but you still make your point clear you just need to work on formulating it more correctly and adding quotations.
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